Come And Go
The Ghost comes early in the morning. It’s the Ghost of the man who kidnapped her, kept her chained in a basement for nine years, raped her, and made her give birth to three of his children. The Ghost lies next to her in bed. It taps her on the shoulder. She wakes up and […]
The Nutzis
First there was Hogan’s Heroes, and then there was The Nutzis. Thursdays at 8:00 P.M. Mountain time. This was ABC’s idea. The first episode aired on December 29, 1973. Starring Bert McCracken as Karl Nutzi. Sylvia Fischer as Leni Nutzi. Joshua Joseph Cooper as Henry ‘Heinz’ Nutzi. And Joshua JosephCooper as Deborah Nutzi. The story […]
Charles Darwin Selects
I didn’t go there to be a critic. I came to watch. That’s all. I wanted to be entertained and I was. I was entertained. And I thanked them for entertaining me. I gave them my time and my money. They shouldn’t have asked for anything else, but they did. They wanted my opinion. They […]
The Cameraman
The Cameraman: So this new actress we’re meeting today is she good? The Director: She’s alright. The Cameraman: She’s alright? She better be. You’re only here for a couple of weeks. You hired this actress. My camera wants to eat her up. I want to see what she looks like on the box. The Director: […]
The Devil Came From Kansas
Warren Z. Lowenbrau fell in love at least once a week. This week her name was Lexy. Met her at a Christmas party. He was walking out as she was walking in. Lexy grabbed him by the lapels and said, Damn, mister, you look tight. He told her to get in his Rolls-Royce. Without her […]
O Captain! My Captain! (Original Alternate Ending/Dead Poets Society/Dir.Peter Weir/1989/Touchstone Pictures)
Thank you, boys. Thank you. I appreciate your show of solidarity. But you’re a little late. I’ve already been fired. So your gesture, while appreciated, is futile. And I think you all know that. So excuse me if I’m not treating this moment as confirmation of the indomitable human spirit. You’re all a bunch of […]
Road Rash
Barb killed the roach, got up from the couch, lifted the needle from the record, walked back to the couch, extended her hand, lead Ted outside until they were standing in the middle of San Fernando Valley Road, unbuttoned her shirt, dropped her skirt, laid down in the middle of the street, and watched as […]
Giving An Account Of Oneself
I don’t know why other men keep doing this to me. He’s not the first man to knock the hat off my head and then tell me he’s going to spit in my face if I don’t stop asking him why he keeps knocking the hat off of my head. This is not something to […]
Andy Warhol’s James Bond
I woke up at around nine. I took a shower. In the shower. I shaved when I got out. I was in the shower for a little under twenty minutes. It took me a half hour to shave my face. Because I have to moisten the hairs. Otherwise I get a rash. There’s a cream […]