The Nutzis

First there was Hogan’s Heroes, and then there was The Nutzis. Thursdays at 8:00 P.M. Mountain time. This was ABC’s idea. The first episode aired on December 29, 1973. Starring Bert McCracken as Karl Nutzi. Sylvia Fischer as Leni Nutzi. Joshua Joseph Cooper as Henry ‘Heinz’ Nutzi. And Joshua JosephCooper as Deborah Nutzi. The story […]

First there was Hogan’s Heroes, and then there was The Nutzis. Thursdays at 8:00 P.M. Mountain time. This was ABC’s idea. The first episode aired on December 29, 1973. Starring Bert McCracken as Karl Nutzi. Sylvia Fischer as Leni Nutzi. Joshua Joseph Cooper as Henry ‘Heinz’ Nutzi. And Joshua JosephCooper as Deborah Nutzi. The story of a ‘Swiss’ family (hahahahahahahahahahahaha) recently moved to a small anonymous Midwestern city. It’s 1956. The father, Karl, works as a car designer for the fictional NMI (National Motors Inc.), a wholly-owned subsidiary of German auto behemoth Volkswagen. The mother, Leni, is stay at home mother who likes to drink (hahahahahahahahahahahaha) morning, noon and night (‘Leni, I’m home!’ ‘I detest you, Karl.’ ‘And what is for dinner?’ ‘A casserole. Made with contempt.’ ‘Sounds delicious! I’ll be in my study!’ ‘Everyone is disposable. Life means nothing. ‘ ‘Why is it so cold in here? Leni! Please turn off the air conditioner! It’s cold in here! Aren’t you cold?” ‘Love is colder than death.’ ‘Now I must put on a sweater! Now I must come home and put on a sweater! I can’t think of anything worse! My god!’) (hahahahahahahahahahahaha). The son, sixteen year-old Henry, wants to convert to Orthodox Judaism (‘Heinz! Take off that hat! Now! And what did I tell you! I told you to shave that beard! Now! And stop that praying! I will not have praying in my house! I demand it! Heinz! No more of this, this, this bobbing, this constant bobbing up and down! Why are you bobbing up and down like this? Are you having a seizure? Heinz! Answer me!) (hahahahahahahahahahahaha). The daughter, thirteen year-old Deborah, is boy crazy and bored, always trying to escape the eternal shadow of her overprotective father (‘You are not going to Chicago! Absolutely not! Not to see this Elvis Presley character!’ ‘But father…’ ‘No! I said no!’ ‘Why not? Afraid I’m going to meet Elvis? Afraid he’s going to want to marry me?’ ‘Yes! That’s what I’m afraid of! You’re thirteen years old! You’re perfect! And he’s a communist! A Soviet plant! Colonel Tom is KGB! Now go to your room!’ ‘Who died and made you the Fuhrer?’ ‘Me! I did! I made myself the Fuhrer! There was a secret ceremony! You were not invited!’ ‘You’re mean!’) (hahahahahahahahahahahaha). The Nutzis also features Roy Benedict and Carol Cook as the Nutzis’ next door neighbors, Arnie and Dolores Peterson (‘What don’t you get about baseball, Karl? Its a pretty simple sport.’ ‘What I don’t understand, Arnie, is why they don’t make the bats bigger? Why this size? Why not bigger? Made out of composite materials. Make the bats stronger and lighter. They could hit the ball one thousand feet. Yes, they would have to build bigger parks, but aren’t bigger parks the future? Why wait for the future? Why! Why can’t the future be now! Who says? We decide what the future is! Because we can control time, Arnie! We can! I have seen it!’ ‘Well, what exactly did you see, Arnie?’ ‘Nothing, nothing. It was nothing.’ ‘God bless America, Karl.’ ‘Yes, yes, of course, of course.’) The Nutzis ran for eight episodes and achieved marginal ratings, better than The Brian Keith Show but worse than Love, American Style. Critical reception was muted, but not exactly negative, the consensus being that the show was good for a few laughs, and, really, what more should you want? Or should you expect? What more should you need than a few laughs? (hahahahahahahahahahahaha). No reason was given for the show’s sudden cancellation, and the subsequent ‘disappearance’ (hahahahahahahahahahahaha) of all taped copies of the show from the network’s archives cannot be accounted for by anyone involved with either the network or the creators of the show, including co-creatorMartin Shane (hahahahahahahahahahahaha), who has refused to speak about the show on or off the record. (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha).