Arts & Culture | Queer Life

Queer Visibility and the Self-Checkout Camera

It both thrills me to watch myself as others might watch me in the world, and instills in me a deep loneliness—a grief that reminds me I am so helplessly stuck inside of myself.

“Being invisible can be deadly.”

        “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”

Some days I prefer the ease of the Target self-checkout lane. Each transaction, I am confronted with myself, my small part in the roboticization of capitalism, my antisocial tendencies, and my own face on a screen reduced to a collection of pixels reflected back at me. The pull of seeing myself in these cameras is irresistible. Whether I like what I see or not. The seductive urge of knowing what it must be like to gaze upon myself, to see what others see, is too strong.

Queer Phenomenology,

Boys Don’t Cry