Columns | Eldest Immigrant Daughter

Unlearning the Shame Culture of the Former Soviet Union

The avoidance of shame is a community obsession, one I haven’t been able to escape even in my thirties.

Since 2020, I’ve belonged to a private Facebook community that’s become something of a support group. It’s one of the few reasons I’m on Facebook at all these days (the others being birthday reminders and gawking at the terrible opinions of people I lost touch with years ago). Created a year into Trump’s presidency, the group is a place where liberal and leftist immigrants from the former Soviet Union can work through their culture-based shame. I can’t remember how I found the group, but I can tell you what keeps me there: the unparalleled hypnotism of seeing what I’d thought were my most idiosyncratic struggles reflected in the experiences of strangers.



narcissistemotional vampireReductressimmigrant parents really replaced emotional intimacy with a plate of cut up fruit and have the audacity to ask ‘why aren’t you married yet’