Columns | Personal Facets

Black Tourmaline Is Supposed to Help You Set Boundaries—But What If You Go Too Far?

It’s easier to cut people out than to learn to differentiate between the chronically demanding and the occasionally needy. It’s war, we tell ourselves.

This is Personal Facets, a monthly column by Jaya Saxena exploring emotions, the magical properties and promises of crystals, and the real reasons people seek their powers.



You’ve Got Maill’esprit de l’escalier

I recently saw someone tweet about how it felt “empowering” to cancel on a birthday party to stay home and watch a movie. These sentiments are sloganized and tweetable. Oh, the emotional labor of it all! Doesn’t everyone know it’s not my job to explain things to them? Don’t they know “no” is a complete sentence?

They told me they had no place for liars in their life, and that if I was lying I could get out.

They made it seem so easy. It hadn’t taken a history of abuse for them to cut me off, or threaten to at least. One teenage lie, stemming from one moment of justifiable anger, was enough.