Alphabetical by Last Name

This poem was written by Em C. Ma in a 12-Month Poetry Collection Generator taught by Angel Nafis

I would be embarrassed but
why bother. We’re all in the same
tacky Barnes and Noble, only embarrassed by
each other. Christmas music is playing and I shoulder
my way to the shelves between
Biography and Historical Fiction. All of us look for
the same obscure book: [Redacted] Apologizes.
I’m pretty sure it’s fantasy,
some cross-genre of sci fi, derivative of
I’m sorry.

I always cry at redemption.
Isn’t it embarrassing to want something so bad? I mean,
to think that I’m grown and still open. My god, of course I couldn’t be
a daughter. If I had an apology I’d stop inventing them.

*

Ma’s manuscript asks, what can live beside injury? Humor? Growth? This book is not necessarily about trauma, but instead follows the continued effects of its insidious echo. Not quite memoir, the pages follow the speaker from childhood on as a non-binary disabled adoptee. In this collection, Ma maps out their survival, and discovers what can live alongside it.