I know I make you uncomfortable Being gender fluid and blind Is a triple whammy It messes up your head. All those years I wasted because i despaired that I could not be like you Wedding sangeets, showy procreations, baby shower(s) with pink or blue balloons, Cheerful diwali parties, gender war jokes Birthday cakes designed […]
I know I make you uncomfortable
Being gender fluid and blind
Is a triple whammy
It messes up your head.
All those years I wasted
because i despaired that
I could not be like you
Wedding sangeets, showy procreations,
baby shower(s) with pink or blue balloons,
Cheerful diwali parties, gender war jokes
Birthday cakes designed like trucks or Disney princesses.
Bonhomie filled anniversaries to mark
the predictability of being hetero
You didn’t understand why I became mad
when you told me
“I tell people who wonder about you that
atleast
you are not dependent on anyone”
Sorry! Its not that easy to shelf
and put me away.
You have no sense of what it took me to get where I am
How during job interviews I needed to
To stare at your chest
So my eyes would appear like
I was looking straight into your eyes
like John Wayne,
who, you compelled me to roleplay
Deep voice, firm handshake and smoothened out nerves
To live in a Texas suburb and not drive a car
To a date or a work meeting
Where I will get rejected anyways
for being too femme or for carrying a white cane
or both
How constant loneliness and inaction was preferable to constant rejection
But
I never seemed to learn that to survive, watcher bees
develop redeeming qualities like
fortitude, mindfulness, gratefulness, generosity.
A gift to count my blessings,
An ability to shape-shift the arc
from being a bitter insect of pity
Into an inspirational TED Talk
But by now
I don’t want to be your hope for a diverse future
or an example for you to see that there are a myriad ways to live
I now reject the security of your future
I’m repulsed by weekend road trips with you
Your spelling bee champions don’t charm me
People like me, ignore people like you
Liked blinkered horses
But remember that without me
How would you even know
That you can kill someone’s spirit
Just by being you.
I know I make you uncomfortable Being gender fluid and blind Is a triple whammy It messes up your head. All those years I wasted because i despaired that I could not be like you Wedding sangeets, showy procreations, baby shower(s) with pink or blue balloons, Cheerful diwali parties, gender war jokes Birthday cakes designed […]
I know I make you uncomfortable Being gender fluid and blind Is a triple whammy It messes up your head. All those years I wasted because i despaired that I could not be like you Wedding sangeets, showy procreations, baby shower(s) with pink or blue balloons, Cheerful diwali parties, gender war jokes Birthday cakes designed […]
I know I make you uncomfortable Being gender fluid and blind Is a triple whammy It messes up your head. All those years I wasted because i despaired that I could not be like you Wedding sangeets, showy procreations, baby shower(s) with pink or blue balloons, Cheerful diwali parties, gender war jokes Birthday cakes designed […]
