Fiction | Short Story

The Primary Breadstealer

He wanted to get as much work as possible, and maybe develop a mutually antagonistic relationship with a hero.

Without steady work, I’d taken to pampering Ursula. We weren’t quite sure of her age when we’d rescued her. Now she was in her early teens, if I had to guess. She wasn’t quite the flapper she used to be, and we had to buy her a special Senior Bat kibble mix, given that she couldn’t digest things like she used to. I needed her alive, though. I didn’t leave the lair much those days, and she was my best and only friend. I was feeding her a raspberry, a messy endeavor, when the call came through.

Vicious Vegans Vivisect Veal Volume

New villainous duo, as yet unsigned, make a splash in the Midwest. The two carried out a bombing of a major meat production facility, which by early estimates will increase the cost of veal by as much as 28% over the next six months.

SkyfiendDoom Drone. Hoverdeath.

Hey babe, so I know you’re dealing with men talking to your face about your breast size, but I’m kind of sick of sitting around, so

Hey, I have this new job I didn’t tell you about


Where the hell are you?

James, seriously. Answer my calls, please. I’m starting to worry

I really have to go, I’m terribly sorry. I told my wife I’d be home right now, and I’m not. Our bat is sick. Or maybe sick. She has a vet appointment, for a biopsy. Again, I’m really sorry. Sorry.

When either Hero(es) or Villain(s) announce(s) ‘Enough,’ either as a singular utterance or as part of a larger Monologue/Quip, both parties are to enact and respect a ceasefire until the resultant dialogue is completed and a logical Resumption of Conflict is reached, either by verbal or physical initiation.





Where are you? Requesting backup.

Life is no way to treat an animal

Filthy carbon consumers Veg-E is read-EYou got this