Google Searches from a New Queer (While a Woman Sleeps Next to Me)

This excerpted essay was written by Allyson Darling in Chloe Caldwell’s 12-Month Essay Collection Generator

After she falls in love with a woman for the first time at thirty-one, Allyson Darling has a lot of questions. Is she gay? Has she always liked women? She finds herself Googling these questions late at night. Marinating explores themes of intimacy, sexuality, and relationships with women with a raw, obsessive curiosity. From “Kissing Girls” to “A Case Against Strap Ons,” Allyson takes the reader on the jarring journey of a second adolescence. Her debut essay collection begs to answer the question of queerness for herself—beginning with her relationship with a woman in present-day and ending with the examination of queer seeds planted in a dark childhood.

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12:34 a.m. Maybe gay

12:36 a.m. How do you know you’re gay

12:41 a.m. Can you not know you’re gay until you’re 30

12:46 a.m. If I don’t want to use a strap on could I still be gay

12:51 a.m. How do strap ons work

12:56 a.m. What are common characteristics of lesbians

1:02 a.m. How do I know I’m bisexual

1:07 a.m. What does queer mean

1:10 a.m. How to lick a nipple

1:15 a.m. What is “lesbian sex”

1:31 a.m. What is a “top”

1:35 a.m. What is a “switch”

1:38 a.m. Is scissoring real

1:42 a.m. Lesbians that came out later in life

1:46 a.m. Celebrities that came out later in life

1:49 a.m. Gay celebrities

1:53 a.m. If you’re gay now did you love your ex-boyfriends

1:55 a.m. How do I go down on a woman

1:59 a.m. How to initiate sex with a woman

2:04 a.m. What are lesbian relationships like

2:07 a.m. Do lesbians dry hump

2:11 a.m. Eating out tips and tricks

2:17 a.m. When should you tell your boss you’re gay

2:22 a.m. How do you fuck a woman?